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„So ein Quatsch – Ich bin doch hier“

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Das Durcheinander um das „Was und wer bin ich eigentlich?“

Tobias ist sich sicher: „Ich bin Tobias.“

Letzte Woche schaute ich in Tränen auf alte Fotos, die Tobias aus einer unverwundbaren Zeit zeigten.
Vor mir sitzt nun mein „neuer-alter Tobias“. Traurig sagte ich:
„Oh Mann, ich vermisse dich.“

Ich senkte meinen Kopf zu den Fotos. Da lachte Tobias plötzlich und sagte:
„Du bist albern, ich bin doch hier! Ganz der Alte!“

Und er hatte recht. Tobias ist da. Jeden Tag – vor mir, mit mir. Warum also suche ich nach etwas in der Vergangenheit?

Vergangenheit oder Gegenwart?

Ihr da draußen kennt sicher dieses Gefühl: „Ich vermisse dich.“
Doch in Wahrheit vermissen wir nicht den Menschen, sondern die Vergangenheit.

Ich vermisse das Kind, das sich aufmachte, selbstständig zu werden.
Tobias kam zurück – ein verwundeter Körper, Geist und Seele. Aber er empfindet das gar nicht so.

Wir Eltern kennen die Stationen: Kita, Schule, Ausbildung, Studium, Partnerschaft, Familie. Das ist das Ideal.

Tobias aber weiß: Er ist Tobias – unverändert. Mit Einschränkungen, ja. Aber er weiß auch: Mit Geduld, Glauben, Hoffnung und harter Arbeit kann er Stück für Stück mehr von seinem alten Leben zurückholen.

Und du?

  • Weißt du, wer du bist?

  • Sehnst du dich nach deiner Vergangenheit – oder nach deiner Zukunft?

  • Bist du glücklich so, wie du bist – oder möchtest du lieber jemand anderes sein?

Ein Gespräch mit meiner Ärztin

Heute sprach ich mit meiner Ärztin, die zwei Kinder hat. Ihre ältere Tochter besucht nun die weiterführende Schule, findet neue Freunde und fühlt sich ein wenig verloren.

Die Mutter schlug vor, dass ihre Tochter ein paar Mädchen einlädt. Doch die Antwort des Mädchens lautete:
„Mama, eigentlich weiß ich gar nicht so recht, wer ein Mädchen ist. Manche tragen Jungskleidung und einen Jungenschnitt – das ist ja okay. Aber darf ich sie dann als Mädchen einladen? Vielleicht will sie ja lieber ein Junge sein…“

Dieser Satz machte mich traurig.

Wenn Kinder nicht mehr wissen, wer sie sind

Was passiert, wenn Kinder nicht mehr wissen, wer sie von Natur aus sind?
Wenn sie sich nur noch an dem orientieren, was die Welt als „cool“ darstellt?

Manche sagen: „Das ist nur eine Phase.“
Aber viele junge Menschen finden aus dieser intensiven Suche nicht heraus.

Diese Suche nach Identität und Geschlecht geht weit über kleine modische Experimente hinaus. Wir wissen noch nicht, welche Folgen das langfristig haben wird. Doch klar ist: Eltern und Schulen tragen hier eine große Verantwortung. Und die Meinungen sind gespalten. Darin erkenne ich Leid.

Was wünschst du dir für dein Kind?

  • Wie hast du selbst herausgefunden, wer du bist?

  • Was soll dein Kind in dieser Welt über sich lernen?

Ich habe drei Kinder. Jedes ist besonders. Jedes musste seinen Weg finden.
Doch eines wussten alle von Anfang an:

  • Sie sind Kinder Gottes.

  • Ein Teil des Universums.

  • In diesem Leben, um zu lernen, Fortschritt zu machen und anderen zu helfen.

Wir haben versucht, ihnen zu zeigen:
Das Leben ist ein Geschenk. Egal, wie es um uns herum aussieht – Schätze liegen verborgen unter dem „Rubble“. Wir dürfen sie finden.

Liebe, Freundschaft, Dankbarkeit und Hilfsbereitschaft – das sind die wahren Wegbegleiter.

Schriftstellen zum Nachdenken

Bibel:

„Denn wir sind sein Werk, geschaffen in Christus Jesus zu guten Werken, die Gott zuvor bereitet hat, damit wir darin wandeln sollen.“
(Epheser 2,10)

Buch Mormon:

„Adam fiel, damit Menschen sein können; und Menschen sind, damit sie Freude haben.“
(2 Nephi 2:25)

👉 Was bedeutet es für dich, zu wissen, wer du bist?
👉 Sehnst du dich nach der Vergangenheit – oder schaust du voller Hoffnung nach vorn?

Channel neuroverbunden
Update on Tobias

Update on Tobias

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Tobias has rocked the past two weeks. Even though we had a lot of cancellations on therapies due to colds and vacation, we did our own thing. To be honest, I enjoy these quieter weeks at times. They give me time to focus on all those things I wanted to do with Tobias but never get to them. Especially cognitive work, which I find personally so rewarding; of course, the walks and chats with him. Tobias is making progress, and it’s incredibly fulfilling to see positive feedback almost immediately.

My biggest wonders and fears when I am down:

Will his ability to learn new things ever fully return—or will it only partially come back? How will he ever learn new things? Learning is tied to the frontal lobe and thalamus, and both areas have suffered damage. Here is an example. We went to the temple on Saturday, but Tobias does not remember. Tobias cannot remember which day it was yesterday. The good thing is, his awareness is there. If I ask him, „Did you go to the temple yesterday? He answers, „I hope so,“ and laughs. We still believe in the power of a determined and resilient brain. 

Here’s an exciting „who“ moment from a few days ago: Mandy gave Tobias an assignment—10 questions to answer

and 10 questions to ask ChatGPT. I also handed her some math problems for him to work on. As Tobias was answering the questions, he said to Mandy, “Mandy, what is the next question, please?” That one simple sentence was an incredible moment of active participation. Mandy and I were both thrilled to see him so engaged!

Moments like these, small but meaningful, are becoming more frequent. Little steps forward that hopefully lead to something bigger.

Never give up 🙂

People often ask me if Tobias will ever finish his studies or return to university. Writing those words alone brings tears to my eyes and heavyness to my heart. The truth is, we just don’t know. We hope—of course we hope—but not even the neuroaligist knows if his brain can or can’t rebuild the connections needed for “new learning.” We’ve seen Tobias pick up new strategies when he’s genuinely interested in something, so there’s a glimmer or more of possibility. With everyone, I mean our therapists, doctors, and neuropsychologists, who are still optimistic and giving their very best. Just on a quick note, I am trying courserain the meantime 🙂

As a mother, this is the hardest part for me. When I was younger, my dreams for my children were simple: I wanted them to enjoy learning, develop strong values, do well in school, find fulfilling careers, marry, and have families of their own. But now, I find myself constantly re-evaluating what is essential to me in life. Is it about meeting societal standards, or is it about embracing a higher, individual purpose?

Numerous philosophers have explored these questions—about the meaning of life, our connection to each other, and God’s plan. For me, they’ve become deeply personal.

I want Tobias to have everything he’s ever dreamed of. By the time my own life is over, I hope he’s independent, married, learning, working, and thriving. That’s Tyler and my dream. 

In our faith, we have priesthood blessings for health and comfort. Since Tobias’s brain bleed, he’s received at least six. Each one has promised recovery, marriage to his best friend, children, work, and learning. These blessings give us hope, even on the hardest days.

Life is such a balancing act of faith and hope, hard work and rest, acceptance and resilience. While I don’t know exactly where this journey will lead us, I do know this: consistent, dedicated effort brings joy. It’s how we show Tobias—and ourselves—that we’re not giving up.

If Tobias could say something to you today, I think it would be this: “Heavenly Father’s got me. He’s blessed me and hasn’t stopped yet. I’ll be back, folks!”

Love you all,
Katja, Tyler, and Tobias

Join us on TicTock as well

TobiasComeBack, I think it is under my name 🙂

Here Are Our Events This Week

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Here Are Our Events This Week

Tobias has many therapies, and every time I write them down on my calendar, I catch myself wondering if he has too many. This week alone, we have three physiotherapy sessions, two occupational therapy (OT) appointments, four speech therapy sessions, one session with a neuropsychologist, and a volunteer who comes by to support us. On top of that, there are two of my own therapy hours and Mandy, who always finds wonderful and engaging activities for Tobias.

Despite the packed schedule, Tobias does have some free time and is usually excited to wind down and head to bed by 7 p.m. Still, I find myself asking: What is too much, and what is not enough? How do we know when we’ve struck the right balance between progress and rest? That’s my question for the day. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. How do you feel when your day is fully packed? How does your brain handle that level of activity?

What Does “Too Much” Mean for the Brain?

When our brains are overloaded, it can feel like a constant storm of thoughts and emotions. The human brain thrives on balance. If it’s overstimulated for too long, it can lead to fatigue, stress, and a decreased ability to focus. Just like any other organ, the brain needs moments of rest and relaxation to process and integrate what it’s experienced. When we push past our mental limits, it can impair decision-making, affect mood, and even impact our physical well-being.

Tobias has been making steady improvements, especially in speech therapy. His vocabulary is growing, and the “speech box” he draws from is expanding. When he writes messages, he often tells people that he loves them, he misses them, and asks about their lives. If he’s asked a specific question, he typically responds appropriately. However, when he hasn’t fully listened or is feeling overwhelmed, he defaults to his “love box” phrases, such as “I love you” or “You are cool.” Despite these challenges, Tobias is sharp and aware. He knows what’s going on around him and understands his limitations. His positive attitude is remarkable and humbling.

It’s a reminder for all of us that we often complain too much about life and about things we can’t always control. Our minds can be so busy that they affect how we perceive the world. When our thoughts swirl like a storm, we can feel overwhelmed, making it essential to learn to calm that inner chaos for our own well-being and for those around us.

Scriptures on Taking Care of the Body

  1. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV): “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

  2. 1 Timothy 4:8 (NIV): “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

These scriptures remind us of the importance of taking care of our bodies and minds, viewing them as sacred gifts.

Reflecting on Life

Despite the challenges, I feel so grateful for the life we have. Even though life can be rough at times, I’ve come to understand how precious each day truly is. As I grow older, I recognize that every moment has meaning. Life is a one-time gift, and we should aim to live it to the fullest. But what does “living life to the fullest” mean to you?

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. What is your version of a fulfilling life? Let’s encourage each other to find the balance between productivity and peace, and to make the most of every single day.

Thank you for being part of our journey.

Katja and family 🙂

Reflecting a church visit with Tobias

Reflecting a church visit with Tobias

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Feeling Out of Place, Finding Comfort in God
 
Being at church today was bittersweet. As I sat beside Tobias, I couldn’t help but notice the young, healthy people around us—the kind of vibrant individuals Tobias once was. It’s hard not to feel a sense of loss seeing him there, knowing how different things are now. Life has a way of making us feel out of place sometimes, like we’ve been misplaced in the very places we once belonged. But I’m reminded that God has a plan for each of us, even when we can’t see it. His love is constant, and even when life feels like it’s moving us into unfamiliar spaces, He is there, guiding us.
 
 
A Moment of Reflection at Church
 
Today, I went with Tobias to church, and as I sat beside him, I couldn’t help but notice the young, vibrant people around us—the same kind of healthy, energetic individuals Tobias used to be. It was hard not to feel a pang of sorrow seeing him in between those who hadn’t faced the challenges he now carries. Yet, amidst the contrasts, something beautiful happened. Tobias’ eyes began searching for his niece and nephew, and the moment he spotted them, his entire face lit up. The simple touch of his niece’s small hand or a laugh shared with his nephew brings him such joy, and it’s in those interactions that his heart lightens. They bring out the brightest side of him, and for a moment, all the limitations seem to fade away.
 
Church has taught me today that we don’t have to worry about our problems in life. With an eternal perspective, life is wonderful, a school, a playground, a place to give to endure to find love and to share love and sometimes we lose what is most precious to us. Nevertheless, looking at it, losing gives us also a chance to learn appreciation for the moment as well as not taking granted that we have. This relates to relationships and physical belongings. 
 
In the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:2 offers comfort: 
 
“Thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.” Even in our hardest moments, God is working through our challenges to bring us strength. 

And in Romans 8:28, the Bible reassures us: 
 
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
These scriptures remind me that, even when life feels out of place or when I question why things are the way they are, there is a greater purpose at play. God knows where we are meant to be, and He is working through every struggle to bring us closer to Him.
 
Nature’s Comfort: A Sign of Hope:
 
On the way home from church, something unexpected happened. As we drove home after church, I was struck by the beauty of the world around us. The sun was shining, and the wind swirled the leaves in the air, creating a dance of orange, red, and yellow. It was like the elements were
playing a game, and I was caught in the middle of it. I was sad but nature let me feel truly at peace, like I was in the right place at the right time.Lets remember who created nature and the perfection we find in nature.
 
Nature and its perfection:
 
Nature has a way of offering comfort when we need it most. It was as if God was speaking to me through the colors of the leaves, reminding me that even in the chaos of life, there is beauty. The elements were working together in perfect harmony, much like Tobias’ mind and body try to do every day. It was a reminder that even when things seem out of sync, there is still order, still purpose, and still hope.
 
Conclusion: Finding Strength in the Journey
 
Being a caregiver to Tobias has been the most challenging experience of my life. Emotionally and physically, still the learning experience is priceless. 
 
Let’s appreciate our challenges so that we can enjoy life as it is today. Life is good. Take good care of yourself. Love yourself the way you are. God loves you just the way you are. Take care of your body and your soul. They are are a unit. 
 
Have a wonderful day 
 
Katja, another caregiver, mother, wife, grandma and friend
Tobias‘ Journey stays exciting…

Tobias‘ Journey stays exciting…

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Tobias‘ Journey:  Exploring Mirror Therapy for Brain Bleed Recovery
 
Hey there, dear friends and family! Today, I want to assure you that Tobias, whose story is a testament to the power of determination, creativity, and innovation in the world of rehabilitation, when a family works together and puts their trust in God or the universe, or whatever you like to call the power of love and hope.
 
Tobias experienced two years ago a life-altering brain bleed on the right side of his frontal lobe with some bleeding in the lower layers, left of his brain. The severity of his bleed is due to a lack of intensive care beds in the hospital in 2021. This unexpected event left him with some challenges, but what he’s doing now is truly inspiring. Life in the now, not in the past. The past serves as a base for now. 
 
Tobias‘ Brave Battle
Two years ago, Tobias‘ life took an unexpected turn when he suffered a brain bleed on the right side of his frontal lobe. This challenging situation left him with various physical limitations, including reduced motor function in his right arm and a mere 2% functionality in his left side due to high tonus and spasticity.
However, Tobias is not one to back down from a challenge. With unwavering determination and a thirst for recovery, he decided to explore an innovative rehabilitation technique called Mirror Therapy.
Mirror Therapy: 
A Glimpse into the Study
Mirror Therapy is a cutting-edge approach to rehabilitation that harnesses the brain’s incredible ability to adapt and heal. It involves the use of a mirror to create the illusion that the affected limb is moving freely, just like the unaffected one. This technique has shown promising results in various neurological conditions.
We decided to try something at home. What, just as explained the Mirror Therapy! 
 
Tobias is embarking on a six-week journey of daily Mirror Therapy sessions with one of us, each lasting 30 minutes. This tailored rehabilitation plan aims to leverage the brain’s neuroplasticity to rewire neural pathways and improve motor function, particularly in his left side. Let’s see …. Right?!
 
The Study: 
Hope on the Horizon
Tobias‘ Mirror Therapy journey will be just a part of his ongoing sets of Therapies by our excellent therapists: Tina W., our Physical Therapist who just got her license as a Bopart Therapist; Janine B., another wonderful Physical Therapist who focuses on patients with neurological issues, then we have Lena our speech therapist, Jeanine our Occupational Therapist, Penny-Belle, our teachers helper and not to forget Mandy who loves to play games with Tobias, takes him on walks and helps me around the yard. It is a fantastic set of genuinely wonderful people. 
 
The Mirror Therapy will be led by me, a desperate, dedicated, and creative Mutter (Mom). (lol) To be honest, mothers generally have so much strength, mental power, love, creativity, and resilience within them when it’s about the well-being of their sick child. The study, on „Mirror Therapy for Post-Brain Bleed Recovery“ should help my own curiosity of the effectiveness of Mirror Therapy in cases like Tobias‘.
Preliminary findings from similar studies (in a professional setting)  have encouraged me. They have proved and demonstrated notable improvements in motor functions, decreased spasticity, and increased overall quality of life for participants. This provides a glimmer of hope for individuals like Tobias and, of course, us as a family, facing similar challenges on their road to recovery.
 
Tobias‘ Progress: A Beacon of Inspiration
We’ll follow Tobias closely over the next six weeks (stay tuned on our blog), documenting his progress, challenges, and triumphs as we include daily Mirror Therapy sessions. 
 
Tobias is slowly getting parts of his short-term memory back, but for us, it is noticeable. His story is an inspiring reminder that resilience and innovation can lead to incredible miracles on the way to rehabilitation. A brain injury is rough, folks, but I am telling you there is so much we just don’t know. Therefore, never give up hope on yourself or your loved one if you are affected or one of your loved ones. 
 
So, stay tuned as we embark on this journey with Tobias. His experience with Mirror Therapy will hopefully bring his left side closer to a prior functional site of his body.  We hope to spread hope to those facing similar challenges and shed light on the potential of cutting-edge therapies in medical recovery. Together, we can all learn, grow, and overcome fears of not having the strength to move forward, heal, be happy, or stand the life we live. 
 
I am a Christian and was taught the stories of Christ by my elementary school religious teacher in my early years. To this day, Jesus, his way of living, and his comforting messages are an integral part of my daily routine. Life has a purpose and provides us with an opportunity to perfect ourselves, not necessarily in the manner the world teaches, although I do value education and progress. (so much that I am going to start with 57 years of my Master in Education in a few weeks – just for me this time – learning is a preventive action – to keep your brain healthy perhaps) 
By perfection, I mean the intrinsic growth of our inner selves. Challenges are an inherent part of this journey.
Jesus was well aware of the challenges he would face in fulfilling his mission for us in this life, including the brutality he would endure. He promised that we, too, can overcome our challenges. Let’s NOT give up hope for a better life; let us try to be happy now. Let’s not wait for happiness; let’s be happy with each moment.  Believe in yourself, and trust the One who will always stand by your side during trials. As Tobias said last week: „Mom, I love you! Mom, God loves you, too.“ Tobias noticed my tears and recognized that I was sad and needed comfort. 
 
Best wishes, 
 
Katja and Family
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